Life Inside Panic

I woke up this morning to a mouth full of blisters. I’m thinking the lime might not have been such a hot idea after all. I had no problems until I tried adding that to the mix. I was going to just stick with the lemons and tough it out but after the attempt at a saltwater flush resulted in tears and unimaginable pain, I realized that the lemons and cayenne would not be tolerable. I am so angry cause I was getting close to the halfway point and was already planning my vegetable soup recipe. So I’m going to take a couple days to let my tongue heal and then start over. This time I will make sure to stick to lemons since the limes do not agree with me.  Moral of the story, the recipe says lemons so stick with the lemons.

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Making it through the first couple days really was quite difficult. I’m halfway through the third day and so far I have had no hunger today. I was even looking up recipes earlier with a friend. I decided to change up my lemonade a little today and instead of the 3 lemons I use to make the juice I used 2 lemons and 2 limes. It was nice for a change but I prefer the just lemon version better. Tonight I have to run to the grocery store because I underestimated the amount of maple syrup I will need and I also want to pick up some more lemons since I’m not crazy about the lime. So, we will see how I feel once faced with a store full of temptations. I am noticing that some of my little aches and pains seem to be diminishing but that may be because I am no longer working online so I’m not hunched over the computer. Also my skin seems more hydrated which is nice but my face has broken out and I’m hoping that this is all the crap being pushed out. Hopefully my skin will look better when this is all done. I did have my peppermint tea last night and noticed no real difference from when I use the smooth move so I might just not do that for a couple days. The smooth move is not one of my favorite teas and if I can get away with not drinking it that would be great. The ecigs I switched to in an effort to quit smoking seem to be making me sick. I get nauseous whenever I try to smoke one so I have drastically decreased the amount I use them. I have been kind of taking it easy the last couple days but plan on starting a yoga regimen by day 5 so that I can get some physical activity going. The nice thing is that this fast has been a good distraction from my life.

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There is really nothing new to report. Last night I was starving and I almost caved but had some hot tea and fell asleep. Today I am far less hungry although in the last half hour I have noticed my stomach is growling a little. It’s 4:30 PM and I only have 20 oz of lemonade left for the day. I’m thinking tonight I might forgo the smooth move tea for some peppermint tea but we will see. I had never noticed how much food there is on tv. It seems like every commercial is about fast food and every show has characters eating. Everything looks so good when you know you can’t have anything.

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Starting over. I made it through the morning then had an emotionally devastating conversation; not because of what was said but because of what wasn’t. I also had to babysit and my mother decided to order pizza for the kids. I decided day one was not a good day to try to avoid eating pizza while distracting myself from the whirlwind of questions and emotions in my head and heart. So last night I had a slice of chicken pizza, a slice of tomato pizza, and a sprite. I felt extremely guilty and it reinforced my decision to stick with the cleanse and not cheat at all. So, I’ve done my saltwater flush (ewww) and am sipping my lemonade. I actually really like the stuff and think it will be easier now that I don’t have much to do and nowhere to go for the next couple days. The most stressful thing I have going is emailing and calling around in an effort to find a job.

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So today starts the master cleanse detox fast. I’m really hoping to cleanse my body, reset my mind, and let’s be honest lose a few pounds. Last night I drank my smooth move senna tea and this morning I got up and mixed up my lemonade for the day. Then I did the most torturous part of the cleanse; the dreaded salt water flush. I do it a little differently than directed because I can’t drink 16 oz of warm sea salt water without throwing up. I do a teaspoon of salt in a double shot of water and chase with a cup of water, repeat, and then you’ve got your 2 tsp salt and 16 oz water down. I’ll try to post updates daily to let you know how I’m doing and what effects I’m noticing. The goal is to make it ten days and then if I feel the need to continue I’ll take it one day at a time for up to fifteen days. This is not something I would recommend to everyone. It is very hard on you physically, mentally, and even to an extent emotionally. I have done this in the past but usually as a way to try to drop weight very quickly, never because I needed to. I’m really hoping this time it will have lasting effects beyond just a quick way to lose a little weight.

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