It’s amazing how sometimes a song can feel like it was written as the soundtrack for a moment in your life.
I know I haven’t written anything on here in a while. I guess all of what I have to say isn’t anything I want posted for the world. I have been writing a lot but it has all been in journals. I just feel so vulnerable right now and I don’t know if I am capable of truly opening that up. All I want to do is take a step, start to walk but it’s like my feet are in concrete. I look forward and I can’t see what’s there. I look back and I see pain and disappointment. So, I find myself paralyzed; unable to go back and terrified to move on. It’s like this house, I know I can’t get everything I need by staying in it all the time but it’s safe and I know what to expect through every door. Outside I have no control; there’s no familiarity, no safety. It’s a world filled with unrecognizable faces, uncertain situations, and unknown places. I never know what kind of horrible things could be behind any of the strange doors. Every one I open leaves me exposed. There are days when I go get in the truck and find myself sitting there crying, unable to even open the garage because I don’t know what is on the other side. I’m just so tired of being afraid. I know that not everything in life will cause me pain but that nagging voice is always there to remind me of how bad it can hurt. How this world can leave you shattered in a million pieces and alone to try to put them back together.
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