Tonight is one of those nights where I feel a peaceful disconnect. It’s a welcome change from the hurricane that is usually taking place in my head. I spent a little time in my bedroom earlier just looking at everything and I realized that I felt as though I was in someone else’s home. I was looking at the bed with it’s perfect white sheets, down comforter, and mounds of white pillows. The books strategically organized by size and in alphabetical order. The items placed deliberately on the nightstands. Everything soothing and calm except the dramatic red of the painting on the wall. I wish everything could be put in that kind of order, that life could be fixed as simply as putting the pillows just so. I also spent some time sitting outside and enjoying the night. It’s rare here to have nights like these. It’s cool, the wind is blowing, and it’s so quiet. I live in the city and a quiet Saturday night just doesn’t happen. It’s also a full moon tonight so everything has that shimmery glow that bright moonlight gives off. Nights like this make me wish the power would go out so all the streetlights would be off. I have everything in the house turned off and just some candles going and I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time. This is the way I want to feel all the time. My head is clear and my thoughts focused, I have no sense of anxiousness, and I don’t want to cry or yell. I’m just here and calm.
