"I'm selfish, impatient, & a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Marilyn Monroe
Just another day; nothing special happened. But I smiled constantly. For whatever reason T kept popping in my head. I think I may be falling hard and fast. It’s been quite a while since there was something so new; which makes no sense since he’s actually from my past. I’m trying to just let things happen as they should and not over-think it. I guess we shall see.
I think I’m trying to force myself to talk to T. I posted something very vague on facebook and of course he picked it up right away and asked me about it. I danced around it enough that he ended up getting upset. I told him I was afraid of talking about it because I was afraid of being wrong and he asked why I posted that. Haven’t heard from him since. Do I risk the friendship I value so much for the possibility of more? Or do I just appreciate what I have and not push the boundaries? I don’t know what to do but I do know that whatever I decide needs to wait a while. I don’t want to jump right into something until I’m sure that I’m done with D. I would never forgive myself if, by some chance, T had feelings for me and we gave it a shot and then I hurt him. I spent so much time rationalizing D’s behavior and having to overlook things that it’s nice to talk to a guy that just makes me smile. T is a great guy and I know that if I were lucky enough to end up with him, he would make me very happy. I really think I want to go for this but it’s terrifying thinking I could screw up an amazing friendship. I need a sign!
I meet with the surgeon tomorrow about the mass under my arm and I’m really scared. I know it seems odd to focus on something as trivial as rather or not I’m interested in someone but right now it’s the one thing keeping me preoccupied.