My theory on men in love
Ok, so lets get this out right up front. I am a newly single, 29yo, somewhat bitter woman. I do NOT hate all men; in fact after this last breakup I have given it a great deal of thought and actually feel some compassion for you. I am convinced that there is some sort of biological reaction that happens between oxytocin (the hormone that is released when we are in love) and testosterone. It must cause a kind of temporary insanity and because you guys have tons more testosterone… Well you do the math.
They have proven that positive thinking can be as effective, sometimes more effective, in patients with depression and anxiety disorders (both chemical). The patient is taught to examine their thought process and try to look at things in a more uplifting way so they don’t have a negative emotional response. If this works for them then it must work for you as well. I am going to point out what I feel are the four most common forms of delusion that this particular type of mental illness seems to cause in the hope that perhaps a couple guys out there will remember this and try the positive thinking technique until I can get a grant to do medical research and develop a drug to treat this condition.
1. Biological Clock
Lets get this one right off the bat. I understand that you all think that you are the perfect male specimen and that we are chasing you around with this ticking noise in our heads, dieing for you to impregnate us. Not the case. If we love you and are planning a future together, especially talking about marriage, then children will eventually come up. Do not allow yourself to spiral into paranoid delusions of us trying to trap you with a baby. Either talk about it and relax or say you aren’t sure how you feel about having kids and that you’d like to think about it. Picking out baby names and suddenly having unprotected sex leads us to believe we are on the same page, it does not mean we are crazy and trying to trick you into fatherhood.
2. Male Friends
Guys, again I implore you to control the voices in your head. I can’t count the number of my ex’s who have given me the “men and women can’t just be friends and if your ex is still talking to you it’s because he wants something” lecture. Followed by a jealous declaration that I need to choose between the relationship I’m in or friends who happen to have a Y chromosome. This also helps to prove that it is a temporary condition caused by a reaction to hormones because the majority of those guys now feel it is perfectly acceptable to remain friends with a female once they are not in love any longer. My current ex even feels that we should be roommates, because “we still care about each other as people” and he “really doesn’t want us not to live together” and we now have a completely platonic relationship. A year ago however, I made a phone call in the middle of the night to a friend that I had a past relationship with to tell him I could not talk to him any longer. This was done with my ex sitting right next to me angry about a late night text from this friend who happens to work nights. Before you freak remember, once this hormone is not screwing with your mental balance, you might actually want to maintain a friendship with us. There was obviously enough you liked about us to make you fall in love. And honestly, have you never had a friend of the opposite sex that was a platonic relationship or you dated and just didn’t match but still enjoyed each others company?
3. Cheating
This is the one that I think is caused by the least amount of testosterone because both men and women suffer with this. If your partner goes to the store, friends house, families house, or just doesn’t pick up the phone because they have fallen asleep early; it does NOT mean they are cheating. This one can spin out of control quickly so before you become hysterical or fly into a vindictive rage, stop and think. The last time you ran to the store and it took longer than expected was it because you were being mounted in the bathroom by a cashier that you found irresistible or were the lines just long? When you went out with your friends, did you come home late because you were caught up in conversation or because you secretly met up with your ex for a steamy quicky? And of course, you can not honestly tell me you have never been so exhausted you just fell asleep. If right now you are getting all indignant and thinking that’s exactly the case then the problem is not with the person you are with but with you. and that brings us to the last one.
4. All Women Are Crazy/Evil
Boys, boys, boys. Ever heard that question “does a crazy person know they are crazy”? It comes from the fact that people in delusional states see their version of events as reality even if the rest of the world does not. Hence the whole “it’s them not me” logic. So, I really want you to try hard with this one. Repeat to yourself that it is not mathematically possible for every person who you have been with to have been nuts. It just doesn’t add up. I know a couple crazy girls so they are definitely out there but I know many more wonderfully sane (albeit confused by your lack of logic and reason) women.
So, please guys, I beg you to open your eyes and see past your little delusional bubble so that we all might find a little happiness. If clinically depressed, suicidal patients can do it I know you can too.
