So, this is gradually turning into a sob session of a blog. I have been checking for new information but everyone is so concerned with the economy of the US as well as the rest of the world that nobody is really focused on other issues. I will continue to check and update on you on any info as soon as some turns up.
As for my state today. I am feeling a little better than I was in my last post. I don’t have tears streaming down my face this time so that is a drastic improvement. I went to the psychiatrist only to find that it was an initial intake appointment and my actual evaluation is scheduled for February. Nice how concerned they are, right? I managed to convince my PCP to call something in for me to hold me over and she gave me a Rx for Xanax. It definitely helps with my panic attacks because I don’t tend to have them while I’m comatose but I can’t remember my dreams any more so who knows how I’m actually sleeping. I know that I’m out for 10-12 hours at a time and it takes me roughly an hour to be alert once I wake.
I have been reading a lot on various other blogs today about heartbreak and I guess I’m not totally alone in the way I feel. I even read a post from a lady discussing how the lack of the weight of her engagement ring on her hand was a constant physical reminder of the emptiness in her life. I know how she feels. I miss my ring; I still wear it when I’m home alone or sometimes when I’m sleeping. I have even left the house with it in my pocket and slipped it on once I was in the car, so D wouldn’t see, on more than a couple of occasions. I love the ring, I think it is the most elegant one I have ever seen. D’s name and our anniversary date are inscribed on the inside and I sometimes take it out and look at that inscription and think of all the dreams it represented. Even though it is a beautiful piece of jewelry, that is not why I love it so. I love that it was given to me as a token of his love and a promise of our future. I still can’t look at it and just see a ring. Maybe in time…
